Friendselfie

Questions to ask your friends about yourself

Updated

The best question is "When was I at my best?": it asks for a moment, not a compliment. Questions that ask for a specific story get answers you can use; questions that ask for adjectives get "you're nice".

Eight questions that get stories

  1. When was I at my best? What happened?
  2. What's one moment you thought "that's so you"?
  3. What do you come to me for that you wouldn't ask anyone else?
  4. When did I surprise you?
  5. What's something I do that I don't seem to notice?
  6. If you had to describe me to someone through one story, which one would it be?
  7. When did I make a hard day easier for you?
  8. What's one thing I could do more often?

Why moments beat adjectives

A moment shows the strength, the situation and the effect on others; an adjective shows only that your friend likes you. That is why the Reflected Best Self exercise, published in Harvard Business Review in 2005, asks for short, specific stories of you at your best rather than ratings.

How to ask

  • One question per person. One question gets an answer today; five questions get an answer never.
  • In writing. A text gives your friend time to remember, and you keep their words.
  • Different people, same question. The strength that comes back in two stories is the one to trust.
  • Say why. "I'm trying to figure out what I'm good at" gets more honest answers than a question out of nowhere.

"Hey, I'm trying to figure out what I'm good at. When was I at my best? Just one moment, two or three sentences."

Then read the answers side by side: how to find your strengths in them.

Send one link to your friends. Their moments land in one place, and you see the strengths that come back. Free. No app needed.

Ask my friends

Questions

What should I ask my friends about myself?

Ask for one specific moment: "When was I at my best? What happened?" A story shows a strength in action; a request for adjectives gets compliments.

How many friends should I ask?

Three to five, from different parts of your life. A strength that comes back in two stories or more is one you can trust.

Is it weird to ask friends what they think of me?

Less than it seems: most people like being asked for a good memory. Say why you are asking and keep it to one question.

Sources