Friendselfie

360 feedback questions to ask your friends

Updated

For a 360 among friends, ask for one specific moment, not a score. "When was I at my best?" gets a story you can use; "Rate my communication from 1 to 5" gets politeness. Pick one or two questions per person from the lists below.

About your strengths

  1. When was I at my best? What happened?
  2. What do you come to me for that you wouldn't ask anyone else?
  3. When did I make a hard day easier for you?
  4. What's one thing I do well that I don't seem to notice?

About how you come across

  1. What did you think of me when we first met, and what changed?
  2. How would you describe me to someone who has never met me?
  3. What do people often get wrong about me?
  4. When did I surprise you?

About what to do more, or less

  1. What's one thing I could do more often?
  2. When did I make something harder than it needed to be?
  3. What would you miss if I stopped doing it?
  4. What advice would you give me for the next year?

Why friends, not only coworkers

A workplace 360 only sees you at work. Research on self-knowledge shows that the people who know you see some things better than you do: in Vazire's 2010 study of 165 people, friends judged intelligence and creativity better than people judged themselves, while people judged their own inner, neutral traits, such as self-esteem, better. Closeness is usually linked with more accurate judgments (Vazire and Carlson, 2011).

How to run it

  • Three to five people from different parts of your life.
  • One or two questions each. Short questions are easy to answer.
  • In writing, so you keep their words and can compare them.
  • Same question to everyone for your strengths: what comes back twice is what to trust.
  • Thank them, don't argue. You asked how they see you, not whether they're right.

Start with the strengths questions: the Reflected Best Self exercise (Harvard Business Review, 2005) asks only about you at your best, and for good reason: people remember criticism but respond to praise.

Add a friend's first name and get a link to text them. Each friend shares a moment, no app or sign-up. You see the strengths that come back. Free.

Ask my friends

Questions

What are good 360 feedback questions for self-awareness?

Questions that ask for a moment: "When was I at my best?", "What do you come to me for?", "What's one thing I could do more often?". A story tells you more than a score.

Can I do a 360 with friends instead of coworkers?

Yes. Friends and family see you in more situations than coworkers do, and research shows close others judge some traits, like intelligence and creativity, better than we judge ourselves.

How do I get honest answers?

Say why you're asking, ask one specific question, ask in writing, and thank people without arguing. Asking for a moment rather than an opinion also makes honesty easier.

Sources