The Reflected Best Self exercise, step by step

Updated November 9, 2026

The Reflected Best Self exercise asks people from different parts of your life for short stories of you at your best, then turns the common themes into a portrait that starts with "When I am at my best, I...". It was developed at the University of Michigan and published in Harvard Business Review in January 2005.

The four steps

1. Ask for feedback. Pick people inside and outside work: family, past and present colleagues, friends, teachers. Ask each one for specific moments when you used a strength in a way that mattered to them (a message to copy).
2. Find the patterns. Put the stories side by side in a table: the theme, the examples, what they say about you.
3. Write your portrait. Two to four paragraphs of prose, not bullet points, starting with "When I am at my best, I...". Use your respondents' own words.
4. Redesign your days. The article calls this step "redesign your job": small changes in how you work, who you work with and how you spend your time.

How many people to ask

Start with three to five and add more if you can. In the article's main example, a manager called Robert asked 11 people: his wife and two other family members, two friends from his MBA program, two colleagues from the army and four current colleagues. All 11 answered within ten days. What the article insists on is variety, inside and outside work. Robert expected the stories to clash, and was struck by how similar they were.

Is the Reflected Best Self exercise free?

The method is described in full in the 2005 article, so you can run it yourself by email or text. The official online version, at reflectedbestself.com, comes from the University of Michigan's Center for Positive Organizations and is paid (a one-time payment for individuals, with student and organization pricing; no price is shown on its home page). The free route: send the request yourself (templates and examples), or give each friend a link and read all the stories on one page.

Why it works

• Stories, not ratings. The authors note that people remember criticism but respond to praise. A story of you at your best is praise you can act on.
• Others see what you can't. In a 2010 study of 165 people, each rated by four friends, friends judged traits like intelligence and creativity better than people judged themselves (Vazire).
• It ends in a plan. The article is clear that the exercise is not there to stroke your ego, but to help you act differently.

Questions