Friendselfie

How do my friends see me?

Updated

Ask them. Text three to five friends one question, "When was I at my best?", then look for the strength that comes back in two stories or more. Most people like being asked for a good memory: it's less awkward than it sounds.

What your friends see that you don't

People form remarkably accurate impressions of each other, and the closer they are, the more accurate they tend to be (Vazire and Carlson, 2011). Friends are especially good at traits we care about, like being smart or creative, where our own view bends toward what we hope or fear, and at visible ones, like being funny or charming. Close friends may even see you a little more kindly than you see yourself, and still be more accurate about how you compare with others.

A message to send

Weird question, but I'm curious: when was I at my best? Just one moment, two or three sentences.

More wording ideas: questions to ask your friends about yourself.

Get a link for each friend, with your message already written. Each one shares a moment, no app or sign-up. Free.

Ask my friends

What to do with the answers

  1. Read them side by side. Highlight the words your friends actually used.
  2. Note what surprises you. A strength you didn't know you had is often the most useful one.
  3. Keep what comes back twice. One story is a nice memory; two is a pattern.
  4. Write one sentence: "My friends see me as someone who...".

"How well do my friends know me" is a different game

"How well do my friends know me" quizzes test whether friends remember facts about you: your favorite food, your first pet. "How do my friends see me" asks who you are to them. The second can tell you something new about yourself.

Questions

How can I find out how my friends see me?

Ask three to five friends one question in writing: "When was I at my best?". Then look for the strength that comes back in two stories or more.

Do my friends see me better than I see myself?

For some traits, yes. Research by Simine Vazire shows friends judge valued traits like intelligence and creativity better, while you judge inner traits, like how optimistic you feel, better.

Is it awkward to ask friends how they see me?

Less than it seems. Asking for one good memory is easy to answer and most people like being asked. Say why you're asking and keep it to one question.

Sources