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Hidden strengths: the ones others see first

Updated

A hidden strength is one you use so naturally that you don't notice it, while the people around you do. In a Harvard Business Review article on asking people for stories of you at your best (2005), a manager had forgotten many of the moments his family, friends and colleagues described: in those situations, his behavior had felt like second nature.

Why strengths hide

  • Easy feels like nothing. What costs you no effort doesn't feel like a skill.
  • You can't see yourself from outside. Others see your behavior; you mostly see your intentions.
  • Your view of valued traits bends toward what you hope or fear (Vazire and Carlson, 2011).

Examples of hidden strengths

Common hidden strengths and how they show up
StrengthWhat others notice
Putting people at easeNew people open up to you within minutes
Calm when plans breakEveryone looks at you when the flight is canceled
Noticing who's left outYou pull the quiet person into the conversation
Finishing what others dropThe group project gets done because you didn't let it slide
Explaining things simplyFriends call you before they call the help line
Remembering what matters to peopleYou ask how the interview went
Making hard moments lighterYou get people laughing on a bad day
Asking the question nobody askedMeetings change direction after you speak

Find out which of these your friends see in you: get a link for each friend, text it, and read their moments. No app or sign-up. Free.

Ask my friends

A real case from the 2005 article: Beth, a lawyer, had always heard she was a good listener. The people she asked described the way she listened as interactive, empathetic and insightful, which led her to take the lead in delicate negotiations.

How to find yours

  1. Ask three to five people for one moment when you were at your best (the questions that work).
  2. Look for the surprise. The strength you didn't expect is the hidden one.
  3. Compare with your own list. What they see and you don't is your blind area in the Johari window.
  4. Test it. Use it on purpose this week and watch what happens.

Questions

What are hidden strengths?

Strengths you use so naturally that you don't notice them, while the people around you do. They often show up in your friends' stories before you would ever list them.

How do I find my hidden strengths?

Ask three to five people for one moment when you were at your best, then look for the strength that surprises you and comes back in more than one story.

What is an example of a hidden strength?

Putting people at ease, staying calm when plans fall apart, or noticing who is left out. You may not count them as skills; your friends do.

Sources