Reflected Best Self exercise examples and templates

Updated November 9, 2026

Below: a request you can send today, what good answers look like, a themes table and a sample portrait. The format follows the Reflected Best Self exercise published in Harvard Business Review in 2005; the examples are written for this page.

The request (copy it)

Hi Sam, I'm doing an exercise to find out what I'm like at my best. Could you tell me about one moment when you saw me at my best? What happened, and what did it mean to you? Two or three sentences is perfect. Thank you!

The short version, for a text

Quick one: when was I at my best? Just one moment, two or three sentences.

What good answers look like

The 2005 article shows two answers a manager received. Each one names the strength in its first line ("One of the greatest ways you add value is that you persist in the face of adversity") and goes straight to a scene: a project falling behind, where he asked the team to aim for an A instead of a C; a tense moment in the army, where he got two groups to talk to each other. A good answer has a scene, an action and an effect on someone.

Example: "When my car broke down at 2 a.m., you drove an hour, didn't ask a single question, and made me laugh the whole way back." Shows: showing up, humor.
Example: "At Dana's wedding the speeches ran late; you made up a game on the spot and kept nine restless kids busy for an hour." Shows: creativity, kindness.
Example: "When I was stuck on my thesis, you asked three questions that untangled it in ten minutes." Shows: curiosity, clear thinking.

The themes table

Example: stories sorted into themes
Theme	Stories	What it says
Showing up	Drove an hour at 2 a.m.; stayed after the move to fix the shelves	I come through when it costs me something
Humor	Made the drive back fun; turned a rained-out trip into an indoor picnic	I make hard moments lighter
Creativity	Made up a game for nine restless kids	I find a way when the plan breaks

A sample portrait

When I am at my best, I show up when it costs me something, and I make the hard part lighter. I notice when a plan is breaking and invent a new one on the spot, usually one that makes people laugh. I'm at my best when someone needs help now, not later.

The article asks for two to four paragraphs of prose, in your respondents' own words where you can. Leave out what doesn't ring true. Then use one strength on purpose this week.

Add a friend's first name and get a link to text them. Each friend shares a moment, no app or sign-up. You see the strengths that come back. Free.

Ask my friends

Questions

What should I ask in the Reflected Best Self exercise?

Ask for one specific moment when the person saw you at your best, what happened, and what it meant to them. Two or three sentences is enough.

What do I do with the answers?

Put them side by side, group them into themes, and write a short portrait that starts with "When I am at my best, I...", using the words your respondents used.

Can I send the request by text instead of email?

Yes. The 2005 article suggests email because answers are easy to copy into a table; texts or a single shared link work the same way.